


Forgetting Vietnam

by megmar22



Category: 21 Jump Street (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, References to Depression, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2021-01-25 20:10:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21362002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megmar22/pseuds/megmar22
Summary: Harry starts having nightmares again after his friends find out his true identity. When Doug starts being affected by the nightmares too, he and the group decide that Harry could try a local support group ran by Doug's friend. Harry's world is turned inside-out when he realizes the groups true intentions. Can two people find love and learn to let go? Read on and find out. Kudos and comments totally welcome! Please read the authors notes before starting!
Relationships: Harry Ioki/OC
Kudos: 2





	Forgetting Vietnam

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first story here on the Archive. Drafts of this story were previously uploaded on fanfiction.net, but I wasn't happy with them, and I wanted to start from scratch. A couple things I would like you to know: 
> 
> This story revolves around Harry when we find out a little about his back story and the investigation into him for identity fraud. It technically takes place after A Christmas in Saigon; however, this story is really turning out to be AU because things we know that happen to Harry later on in the show don't happen in my story, or the timeline is different. This goes for other characters as well. The shooting with Amy and the group finding out about Doug's mom happens prior to them knowing about Harry.
> 
> The characters ages are different as well. They are older here, with Harry being the oldest (beside Fuller) on the team. Harry is 28 and was first to sign on. Doug and Judy are 27 and Tom is 26. Shane and Claire are 30 Jump Street has also been around a little longer than the show states. Circa 1984. It is 1989. 
> 
> This story deals with PTSD, Depression and the after effects of suicide. There is nothing graphic. Don't read if this triggers you.
> 
> Thoughts and Flashbacks are italicized. 
> 
> Thank you and hope you enjoy! Kudos are welcome!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own 21 Jump Street, but Shane and anything else not related to 21 are mine.

Harry Ioki couldn’t believe it had come to this. His nightmares about the past were actually starting to get in the way of his life. He was usually good at passing the incidents off as food poisoning or something, but not lately, not since everyone found out who he really was. Last night was the worst night he had ever had when it came to the nightmares and now Doug was being affected by them too. Harry sighed and stepped out of his car, the least he could do was give this thing a try for Doug after what happened last night:

_Harry sat up in bed and looked at his alarm clock; he had only been asleep for a few hours, and he was already drenched in sweat. It was no use trying to sleep now. They would just come back. He climbed out of bed, walked into the bathroom he and Doug shared, and looked in the mirror. He looked like shit. It’s like his parents were all he thought about anymore, even though he could barely remember them now. The last time he slept decently was when he had gotten his first collar, and that was because his adrenaline was high enough to wear him out. Harry shook his head in frustration and walked into the living room, only to find out that Doug had apparently gotten the same idea. He was sitting on the couch staring at the television._

_“Penhall, what are you doing up? We have work early in the morning, man,” Harry said as he took a seat next to Doug on the couch._

_Doug looked over at Harry like he was a ghost. “Oh, uh hey Ioke how long have you been sitting there?” Doug replied. He was really caught off guard._

_“Not long, so what were you doing?” Harry asked, curiously._

_ “I’m watching Johnny Carson like always”, Doug lied. He saw Harry raise an eyebrow._

_“Penhall, the tube is off. You don’t have to lie. What’s up?” _

_Doug sighed and sank deep into the couch. “Look Iokage, I love you like a brother and everything, and I’ve tried to put up with it as long as I could, but—“_

_Harry looked at Doug, puzzled. “Wait, put up with what?” Harry asked._

_“You talk in your sleep, Harry. It’s gotten really bad these past few weeks. At first, it was maybe once a month, but then it turned into a few weeks and now it’s every night for a few hours. When I try to go in there to wake you up, you don’t remember you’re in Vancouver and panic,” Doug said, in a concerned brotherly tone._

_Harry’s mouth went dry , and he felt like a kid that just got caught stealing candy from his parents. His voice cracked when he spoke again, “Panic how?”_

_Doug shrugged, unsure how to answer. “I don’t know. It’s different every time. Sometimes you wake up fine, but most times you start talking in Vietnamese or sock me really hard when I try to stay with you. It makes sense now after the party last week.”_

_Harry ran his hand through his hair. He had been keeping Doug up for months. He felt guilty now. “I’m sorry Penhall. I can start looking for a new place tomorrow,” Harry mumbled._

_Doug yawned before looking at Harry like he was nuts.“Whoa, who said anything about moving out. I’m not kicking you out. That’s not the point of this conversation, Ioke”_

_“Then what is your point? I really need to try to go back to bed.” Harry whispered, sleepily._

_“That’s my point you shouldn’t have to try to sleep Harry. A man needs sleep like he needs pizza and sex. Everyone is really concerned about your lack of sleep and we collectively think that you should get some help” Doug replied seriously. He saw his best friend raise an eyebrow._

_“What sort of help are you suggesting?” Harry asked._

_Doug motioned for Harry to follow him into the kitchen and sit down at the table. Harry did so, but didn’t really see the point. Doug could’ve just told him on the sofa. The nice, comfy… Harry felt his head snap up again when he heard Doug set a piece of paper in front of him:_

_Voices for Veterans_

_Every Other Thursday 6-8 p.m._

_Firstenberg Community Center_

_Harry stared at it for a few seconds and looked up at Doug in confusion. “Uh…you do realize I’m not a veteran right Penhall?” Harry asked._

_“Sure, Iokage, it says voices for veterans not of them. It’s open to their families, too. I-“ Doug began when Harry interrupted. _

_“I have no family who are veterans either Doug,” Harry said, sounding slightly more annoyed._

_“Will you let me finish before you automatically assume this won’t work Harry? I understand it’s difficult for you, but just give this a chance. I mean, do you like reliving memories like that every night? Doug asked._

_Harry sighed. Doug was right. He wanted to remember his parents without remembering the war torn world he grew up in. He wanted to forget Vietnam. “Okay, you’re right. What were you saying?”_

_“I was about to say that I’ve got this friend who is involved with the group. Shane organizes it and lost a parent after the war. I said you might be interested in getting some help, and we thought you could help the group by letting them know that they did some good things, too. Will you go?” Doug pleaded._

_Harry hesitated. He had assumed the identity of a Japanese immigrant for years, and he wasn’t sure if he could let that go, “I don’t know Penhall. I’m not a big talker.”_

_“So, don’t talk just listen tomorrow night. If you like it, you can talk later. I’ll make sure Shane knows you’re coming.” Doug said, sounding supportive._

_“How did you and Shane even meet Penhall, and none of us know about it? You two sound pretty close.” Harry asked_

_“Wednesday nights after work, there’s a bunch of grief support groups. We bonded over that. Shane’s pretty strong, Harry.” Doug mused._

_“How will I know who Shane is?” Harry asked._

_Doug tried not to smile. Hopefully, his plan worked. “You’ll know, Harry. Trust me.”_

\---

Harry felt like he was going to pass out in the elevator on his way up to the third floor of the community center. He wanted to do this for Doug, but wasn’t sure he could. Doug’s heart was in the right place, Harry knew that, but he had a sneaky feeling that a bunch of Vets wouldn’t be too happy to see him. Doug had no idea what it was like to be discriminated against because of race. He startled when he heard the elevator door open. Why couldn’t he just turn around? He didn’t want to talk about how his parents, brother and best friend were shot by the Viet-Cong, or how he was almost killed by a grenade, but at the same time, he couldn’t stand the way the flashbacks and nightmares plagued him. He stepped out of the elevator--

It happened so fast that he didn't even have time to react when he saw a woman much smaller than he hit the floor down the hall. He ran when he saw that she had smacked her head on the floor. He kneeled next to her before several others had managed to figure out what happened. She looked up a few seconds later not realizing her head was bleeding.

"Ow", she said. Her voice was quiet and timid.

"Are you okay? Your head," Harry said. He was a little shocked.

"What?" She asked, confused

"Your head is bleeding," Harry replied. He could feel his training as a beat cop returning to him. He had taken CPR and first aid as an elective training course and for personal reasons.

The woman let out a frustrated sigh. "Great. That's awesome and embarrassing." she said. She mustered a small, reserved smile at Harry.

"It's okay," Harry said. He saw someone sprinting over with a first aid kit and a small flashlight. The man, who looked similar to his former Captain knelt down on the woman's other side. Harry sat there lost for words still processing what happened.

"Let me see," the man said.

The woman complied and tilted her head. The man turned on the flashlight and inspected the gash on her head.

"It needs stitches. What happened?" He asked.

"I tripped over my feet and my crutches slipped on the floor. I fell. This guy saw me fall," she replied. She gestured toward Harry.

"Are you dizzy, nauseated," He asked, panic stricken. He placed gauze on her wound.

"A little," she said.

"I'll take you to the er," he stated.

"I don't need to go to the hospital," she retorted.

"Yes you do. You could have a concussion," the man said 

Harry saw the woman roll her eyes and look at him as if she were smiling at him secretly.

"Of all the times I've fallen because my body decides to be stupid, when have I ever gotten a concussion?" She asked.

The man let out a groan. "Shane, I'm just looking out for you, and you wouldn't have to fight your body if you would just get a damn wheelchair," he pleaded.

Harry's mind froze and for some reason his heart sped up. It was in that moment that he understood what Penhall meant by you'll know. Harry now understood his motives as well. Penhall was trying to set them up, and Penhall knew he would've never gone on a blind date. Harry smiled to himself. Penhall and his tricks. He glanced over at her as she argued with the man over getting a wheelchair. Physically, she was his type. Penhall knew him well. She was no more than five feet four, and compared to his six foot one, she was tiny. She was wearing a purple blazer and black jeans, black flats covered her feet. Harry let his subtle gaze drop to her chest, quickly, so she wouldn't notice. She wasn't skinny, but her weight naturally fit her frame. This confirmed for Harry that she wasn't fake. Harry didn't do the candy girlfriend thing. He looked at her face. She was cute, bubbly, even. Her round face was covered in freckles, and her hair was a deep color that was not one hue but a mosaic of every brown shade. Her tight, bouncy curls reflected each color when they moved, perfectly framed around her face, but what stood out to him were her eyes. They were mint laden with amber and honey specs. Harry looked more closely at her eyes and felt a shiver cascade up his spine. They conveyed hidden emotions that she never showed people, but Harry could read them because he hid similar emotions from his friends: fear, anxiety and a deep veil of sadness masked by effective smiles. He found that he wanted to know everything about her now. Her face also conveyed struggle that Harry related to somehow. He wondered if people judged her in a way people judged him. His thoughts wandered to the crutches and her obvious movement issues, not that he cared, but he wanted to know how it impacted her. He wanted to know her connections to the war, too.

"We can't just cancel the group, so I can get stitches. They rely on it," Shane argued. Harry was back into the conversation.

"They would understand," the man insisted.

Harry was overwhelmed by an urge to volunteer himself. He wouldn't resist. "I can take you," he blurted. Both the man and Shane looked at him as if they had forgotten he was there.

"I don't even know you," Shane stated, harsher then she intended.

"I'm Harry, Doug's friend. Now you know me," Harry said, smiling at Shane. Harry saw her expression soften.

"Oh, it's good to finally meet you," Shane replied, reciprocating a shy smile.

So, Doug had mentioned him before. He saw her give the man who dressed her wound a look of hesitation.

"Can you lead the group tonight?" She asked.

"If you promise to go get checked out, I can easily do that for the night," the man agreed.

Shane looked at Harry again, still embarrassed. She didn't want to burden this stranger with her issues, but she knew deep down that her friend was right. She realized that he was just looking out for her as her father requested.

"Are you sure you don't mind," Shane asked.

"I don't mind," Harry said, "I don't know that I was ready to talk in the group anyway."

Shane nodded and Chris agreed with her decision to have him lead the group. He asked if she felt comfortable with him leaving and she nodded again, even though she didn't feel hundred percent confident. Chris looked at Harry, the fine lines in his forehead scrunched to show that he was about to say something extremely serious.

"You aren't some serial killer are you?" The man asked, half joking.

Harry admired the way that Shane's friend was so concerned for her well-being. It reminded him of his strengthening relationship with Adam Fuller, even though during the past few weeks it had hit a rough patch because of what had happened with the IAD. Fuller had had his back when they threatened to press charges against him for fraud, so that was something to Harry. He wondered if this person was somewhat of a father figure for Shane.

Harry shook his head. "I'm a cop," he stated, making sure to make it seem like he was taking the question and the task seriously.

"Oh, good. Promise me you'll take care of her. She has a good group of friends who have her back, and they wouldn't want anything to happen to her," he said

"I swear, I won't let anything bad happen to your friend," Harry replied as he held up his right hand to humorously accept a pretend oath.

Shane rolled her eyes at both of them causing Harry to laugh. "I'm not a baby," she muttered under her breath.

"Just looking out for you kid," Chris said.

"I can look out for myself," she replied putting her hands on both her sides.

" I know. It's him I had to worry about, not you. Call me later tonight when you're home with Claire," Chris said. She nodded and Chris got up off the ground, walking into the room where the group was held.

Harry and Shane were silent for a few seconds. Neither of them knew what to say. Harry was the first to speak. He always thought the man should make the first move. "Should we go? That gash on your head is starting to look pretty angry," he noted.

Shane nodded struggling to her feet with her crutches. She stood still for a few seconds when intense cascades of nausea came over her. She felt like her head was vibrating deep inside her skull, and she could feel her vision swirl like the colors of a kaleidoscope. She felt extremely faint. "Whoa," she said, as she felt her knees start to buckle. Harry saw her start to sway backwards as towards him. The color left her face like a thief running from the police. He felt his reflexes kick in. Without even thinking he stood up to catch her as she fell against him. They both blushed as they realized his hands and arms were wrapped around her waist..

"Yeah, I'd say you need to go get checked out," Harry affirmed as he tried to ignore his quickening pulse. He let the intoxicating scent of her shampoo engulf his senses as if the sea was eroding the shoreline. He would never think of coconut the same way again.

"Sorry," she whispered, even more embarrassed, "ugh I don't feel so good."

"Don't worry about it. Do you have a wheelchair? I think, it might be a good idea to use it temporarily because you're dizzy," Harry said.

Shane nodded her head no and regretted that decision to leave her chair at home. Chris, her friend had been right maybe it was time to transition to a wheelchair full-time, but Shane had difficulty accepting that. Within the last year, her body had seemed to be deteriorating at a much faster rate than she would've liked.

Harry nodded and began thinking of a way to work out the situation without making it more awkward for the two of them.

"If you lean against me, do you think you can walk with me to my car? Harry asked becoming more concerned by the second. Shane was pale. When she didn't say anything, he made the decision to just pick her up and carry her to the car. He slid both his hands underneath her and felt her bend her knees and rest her head on his shoulder as he lifted her further into his arms. He sprinted outside with her to his car.

"You're gonna have to stand for one second while I open the door. You can wrap your arm around my shoulders and lean on me, though," Harry said.

Shane didn't nod because she knew that would make her feel even more dizzy, but she understood what she needed to do and braced herself to bear weight. She felt Harry guide her into a standing position. She leaned most of her weight against him and put her arm around his shoulder, so that he would have one hand free to open the door.

"I'm so dizzy, " she mumbled as she watched Harry fumble for the key in his pocket.

After a few seconds, Shane heard the jingle of his keys and a beep from the car door. Harry opened the door and placed her inside. She was getting more dizzy and felt really sleepy. He buckled up her seatbelt. She didn't even notice that he had gone back inside to get her crutches. He opened the door on the driver side and got into the seat beside her. He started the car, placed both hands on the steering wheel and headed towards the freeway. He looked over at Shane a few minutes later and saw her nodding off.

"You gotta stay awake," Harry urged, shaking Shane gently on the shoulder.

Shane groaned. "You can fall asleep if you have a concussion. Falling unconscious while asleep is a myth," she said

"I would feel better if you would just talk to me. I would feel pretty guilty if something happened to you on my watch," Harry replied.

"Okay. How long have you known Doug?" Shane asked before letting out a huge yawn.

"About five years now. What about you?" Harry asked in return.

"Since 1983, so six years.," Shane said.

"Wow, really? I didn't know he'd been attending a grief group for that long," Harry replied. He always found it interesting when he learned new things about his friends.

"Yeah. Doug has really been there for me for a lot of things, including my grief relating to my Dad," Shane whispered.

The tension between them had been building the entire night, and after Shane had said that, the chemistry between them became thick like smoke from a forest fire that burned hot. Harry looked at her and could see the shadow lie on her accentuated cheekbones. He could tell she was trying not to cry.

"I'm sorry. I lost my parents, too," Harry lamented as he pulled into the emergency room loop.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I'm sorry about your parents," she whispered, not looking at him. If she looked at him, she was afraid she might break down.

Harry nodded and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, thanks," he replied, closed off, I'll be right back. I'm going to get a wheelchair."

Shane nodded and heard Harry's door unlock as he stepped out. She watched him through the window as he walked inside the emergency entrance. She was alone with her thoughts and found that she couldn't get him off her mind as she sat there. Why did he suddenly make her heart feel like it was in her throat? Why did she feel like she could trust him without knowing him? She thought about Penhall now. How he had tried to get them to meet several times at her bar. She was either busy with clients or Harry didn't want to come out. She wondered about Harry's feelings and how he was struggling through life. She thought about how she was secretly struggling, too. Shane saw Harry return outside of the passenger door with a wheelchair. He parked it parallel to the door, and Shane heard the door unlock.

"Can you slide into the seat?" Harry asked.

Shane nodded and looked over at the chair. She slid sideways and felt a small drop as she landed in the chair seat. Every bit of movement made waves of nausea pass through her. He quickly pushed her inside.

When Shane and Harry entered the ER, The nausea and headache became a lot more intense when the florescent lights were introduced. Shane felt as if there was a gong inside her skull that was vibrating at even intervals every thirty seconds.

"The lights, the lights aren't good," Shane said.

"Sorry, hopefully they'll take you in right away because you fell, "Harry empathized.

Shane rubbed her temples as Harry took her to the check-in desk. The receptionist looked down at Shane and spoke.

"Hello, my name is Britney. How can I help you this evening? She asked.

"I tripped over my feet and fell. I hit my head on the tile where I was working. I have an extremely bad headache, and I honestly wish I could vomit right now," Shane replied.

Brittany nodded. "Yeah, that definitely looks like a nasty gash on the side of your head. I'll make sure that you're triaged pretty quickly because you could have a head injury. Why don't you guys wait over there and I'll make sure someone gets to you. In the meantime, can you fill out some of these forms that relate to insurance and your overall complaint?" She asked.

Shane groaned and nodded slowly. She reached up and took the clipboard and pen from Brittany. She looked at Harry annoyed, which made him laugh inside. He pushed her over to an empty chair and sat down next to her.

"You don't have to stay. You can leave if you want. Thanks for all your help," Shane said as she started filling out the forms.

"I'm not leaving you until we know what's wrong, "Harry replied with a tone of concern. He didn't even know her, but he somehow found himself really caring about her well-being. Shane concocted a weak smile.

"Thanks. I finished," she said.

Harry nodded as they went back up to the front desk. Brittany said thank you and walked over to a nurse who was taking inquiries from patients about their overall chief complaint, As Brittany told her what was going on the nurse turned around and looked at Shane. She glanced at the forms Brittany had handed her, and walked over quickly. She knelt down in front of Shane and inspected the gash on her head.

"Is your headache and nausea getting worse or is it staying constant?" The nurse asked.

"It's gotten a little worse because of the bright lights in here," Shane replied.

The nurse nodded. "Why don't you guys come with me. I'd like to monitor you while we wait for a physician. We can also make sure the lights are a lot dimmer for you. My name is Michelle, by the way," she said.

"Thank you," Shane said.

They followed Michelle down the hall and into an empty triage room. Michelle closed the door behind her and dimmed the lights.

"You can get on the gurney if you'd like, the blankets are warm, " Michelle said.

Shane looked at Harry embarrassed again. He got the hint and picked her up, placing her on the bed. He grabbed the pillow and put it on her neck. Shane let out a breath as she put her head back against the pillow.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Shane apologized

"it's not a big deal. I don't mind," Harry reassured.

Michelle cut in breaking the tension between Harry and Shane. It was as if somebody popped a balloon with a needle. "Would you like a cold compress for your head before I start asking you some questions?" She asked.

Shane nodded towards Michelle who told them that she would be right back with the compress, leaving Harry and Shane alone again.

"Well this has been awkward, hasn't it?" Shane asked.

Harry shrugged. "I don't think it is. Life happens. I've really enjoyed meeting you, even if it is through weird circumstances," Harry replied, smiling at Shane, hoping it would make her feel less embarrassed.

Shane opened and closed her mouth again, pursing her lips as if to say something. She looked over at Harry now, and observed how attractive he was: his angular face, midnight sky black hair that was long enough that she imagined running her hands through. His eyes reminded him of the cinnamon she put in her hot chocolate during the winter. She could see the emotion behind his eyes, the tiredness. She noticed the way his shirt rested against his toned body, making his abs visible to her. She let her eyes fall to a lower point on his body where she noticed the lines of his pelvis through his jeans. She blushed a deep red when Harry pulled her out of her head.

"What?" Harry asked, turning his head towards her. Clearly he had noticed her staring at him.

Something came over her then, an urge that she couldn't resist. She found herself wanting to spend more time with them in circumstances that weren't so awkward. She wanted to ask him out, and had to do so before that voice in her hand said it wasn't a good idea. Her previous relationship had gone badly, "Do you,"she paused, trying to muster up the courage, "do you want to go get a beer or something sometime? I really want to show my appreciation," she said, the words pouring out of her.

For a minute he was shocked that he was being asked out in an ER, but he shook it off and realized that he wanted nothing more than that. He mustered up somewhat of a shy smile. "I'd like that. When are you free? I can pick you up, " Harry replied.

"What about tomorrow? After work?" Shane asked.

"Sounds good. We can go once I'm off at six. Where would you like to go?" Harry asked.

"Ever been to Mackey's in downtown Portland?" Shane inquired.

"Off Southwest Broadway, across from the counseling center?" He asked. Harry guessed she hadn't picked this place at random. He'd heard of it. Doug, Judy and Tom went there a lot. He hadn't had a chance to go yet because he was starting to feel like a mess again. He wouldn't let his friends in on his increasing sense of panic. It seemed like everytime he went out lately, he just felt guilty and anxious, like he didn't fit in.

"That's my bar, well it was my dad's. I took it over after...after he died. I see clients in an office at the counseling center three days a week," Shane said.

"Really? That's very impressive. So you know Tom and Judy, too? That's kind of a cop hang out. Everyone says good things about it," he complimented. Shane was becoming more attractive to him as she found out more about her. Doug had done his research and probably knew that it'd be easier for him to trust someone who was connected to the familiar for him.

Shane nodded."I think I know everyone on the force for both the Vancouver and Portland PD, but I'm really close to everyone at Jump Street. You guys are the only cops who are close to my age who like to have a good time. They're really concerned about you, you know," she replied. Harry hadn't noticed how smooth and calm her voice was until now. It made him think of his mom and grandmother and the way they cared. He wondered if Shane was the same way, and if he could trust her. His memory flashed back to his last interaction with his ex. He had caught her cheating while he was undercover on a case that required him to assume a twenty-four hour cover. Six months of trust he had built with her had fleeted away in a second. She had blamed his work. She couldn't handle him leaving for periods of time. He sighed and shook his head and returned his attention back to Shane.

"I know," he whispered, looking down at his feet. He was starting to feel that uneasy fear swell up inside him. Not here and now, he couldn't panic in front of her. "Things have been crazy at work," he said.

"Fuller mentioned that." she commented.

"He did? How much do you know?" Harry asked, looking at her again. He was nervous about the possibility that Shane knew everything so early on.

Shane shook her head. "Neither him or Penhall said anything about the situation. They just said you weren't prepared for what happened, and it stirred up some anxiety for you, and you needed a friend who didn't have that cop mentality." Shane replied, softly.

Harry's eyes narrowed. "I wasn't, but I couldn't keep that up forever," he said. He could feel his anger build as he thought about internal affairs and how someone within the department had notified them. He hadn't done anything wrong except make a stupid decision. He would never hurt anyone and was grateful for being in the United States.

"It's okay to be angry," Shane said. She was looking at him, her eyes were warm, and he could peer into them all day.

"What makes you think I'm angry?" Harry asked. He was curious. She was pretty spot on.

"Your jaw muscles tensed up. I'm trained to read nonverbal cues as a therapist," she replied.

"Oh. I am pretty angry, I guess," he said, ignoring the hesitant thoughts in his head. He wanted so badly to trust someone without questioning motives.

"I understand. People piss me off too," Shane laughed.

Harry laughed in response to Shane's comment, and he felt himself relax when he looked over at the wheelchair. She might understand better than anyone. They were silent for a few seconds when they heard the door open. Michelle entered the room again and placed the cool compress on Shane's eyes.

So I spoke with the ER physician on call before someone coded, and we would like to send you up for a CT scan just to be safe, but I imagine you've been here before?" Michelle asked.

"Unfortunately," Shane replied, flatly, before holding out her arm to get the ID bracelet.

"There's nothing wrong with getting a wheelchair you know," Michelle encouraged as she unlocked the gurney and rolled it into the elevator. Shane facetiously rolled her eyes at Harry making him laugh.

Once upstairs, both Harry and Michelle helped Shane onto the sliding device. Shane could feel her breathing start to increase on the verge of hyperventilation. It never got easier despite her requiring a CAT scan often. She glared at Harry, her eyes wide, and bit her upper lip. He could tell she was nervous. Instinctually, he reached out and squeezed her hand. In that moment, he felt such a sudden rush of adrenaline that he started to feel weak in the knees. He felt her tiny hand wrap itself around his. Their fingers interlocked together.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Harry had never been in a CAT scan machine before, but he could sense how claustrophobic the machine was. Given that he also struggled with anxiety, he couldn't even imagine what Shane went through on a daily basis.

"Try to take deep breaths while you're in there," Harry urged, softly, "Squeeze my hand if you start to feel yourself hyperventilate."

It was like the room was spinning. Shane couldn't believe the situation she was in, and she couldn't believe that this man she barely even knew was so willing to make sure she was okay. She felt like she was in some alternate universe, and she if mentally reminded herself to thank Penhall when she saw him next week.

"You can press the button at the top of the CT machine if you need something. I'll be on the other side of the glass watching to make sure the pictures come out all right," the x-ray technician said.

Shane nodded. She knew the drill. She took a deep breath as the x-ray tech pushed her inside the tube.

Breathe. In and out. She squeezed Harry's hand, and felt him squeeze back.

" It's okay. You're doing awesome," she heard Harry say, even though it was muffled inside the tube. She found herself never wanting to let go of his hand.

"Why don't you go ahead and say something, Shane, so we can test out the mic," the x-ray technician said.

"I'm feeling really scared," Shane said into the mic. She felt Harry squeeze her hand again. She interlaced her fingers with his tighter.

"I know it's hard, but we really gotta make sure you don't have a head injury," the x-ray technician said. "It's going to be loud, but I need you to try and hold still as possible okay."

"Yep. Can we please just go?" She asked.

Shane heard the x-ray technician hit the button to start the x-ray process. The first set of noises reminded her of a really loud car alarm. She opened her eyes and tried to follow the red light as it scanned her entire body. She started to feel dizzy again. Breathe. She sucked in through her nose and blew out her mouth. She pretended to blow out candles, as she tried to focus on the warmth of Harry's hand in hers. She kept doing this through three or four sets of x-rays. Forty-five minutes later, she felt the x-ray technician slide her out of the tube.

"You did amazing," Harry said, still holding her hand.

Shane blushed. "Just another day in the life," she said.

Harry helped her sit up slowly and he lifted her back on the gurney. He saw a vision of himself climbing in with her, her head resting on his chest as he kissed her slowly.

"You guys can go back to triage. Michelle is waiting to stitch up your head," the x-ray technician said.

"Thanks," Harry and Shane said in unison.

"You guys make a cute couple," the x-ray technician commented.

Shane and Harry doubled over in laughter.

\---

"So why don't you tell me how this happened," Michelle said as she placed the first stitch in Shane's gash.

"I was just walking out of the elevator towards my support group when my foot dragged and made me trip," Shane said.

"I saw her fall and ran over because she sort of leaned forward and hit her head on the floor," Harry interjected

"This guy's a keeper," Michelle said gesturing toward Harry.

Shane's eyes grew huge, and she and Harry started laughing again. "We actually don't really know each other. We only just met tonight, and he offered to bring me to the ER," Shane admitted.

" Really? The way he's holding your hand makes me think otherwise," Michelle said

Harry blushed and looked down at his hand. He quickly realized that he was holding Shane's hand again. She blushed too when she noticed her hand didn't refuse the gesture.

"Sorry," Harry said. He let go Shane's hand.

The awkward silence was broken by a knock on the door. The physician was ready to read Shane her results. He sat down in front of her.

"You're CT scan results were normal. My guess is that you have a small concussion. My understanding is that you have cerebral palsy, is that right. The doctor asked.

She nodded slowly and sighed. "Are you gonna tell me that I need to get a wheelchair? You seriously are the third person that has said that to me tonight. I get it. My body is complete shit. I'm trying to process that I actually need one, but I understand that I could injure myself worse if I don't get one," Shane said.

"Understood. I just wasn't sure if someone is one to you about that possibility because it isn't the end of the world. You don't even have to get one that you use all the time. As far as your concussion goes, I don't think it's anything serious because you are able to hold a conversation well, so for now, I think I feel okay with you going home as long as you promise to come back in if your symptoms get worse or change," the doctor said.

Shane had been to many doctors in her short life, and this particular doctor seemed to be caring because of the way he spoke to her. She nodded and looked at Harry who agreed.

"Will you be watching her?" The doctor asked Harry.

Harry's eyes widened and he looked at the doctor puzzled. "Actually, we don't really know each other, yet," he said. Now he was starting to feel awkward.

"Oh okay," the doctor turned to Shane, "You have someone who can stay with you?" He asked.

Shane nodded. "My best friend is a labor and delivery nurse here. She's on shift now, actually, if you want to page her. We're roommates," she replied.

"What's her name? I can page her now," Michelle said. She was cleaning up Shane's stitches.

"Claire Daniels. She's the charge nurse," Shane said.

Michelle nodded. "I'll come back with your discharge papers too," she said, leaving the room.

The doctor spoke again, "You can come back in ten days, if your symptoms don't get worse." He shook Shane's hand and left the room.

Shane looked at Harry and noticed he did not seem as tense as he was earlier. "You aren't obligated to worry about me, you know," she whispered.

"I know. I'm starting to like you, though," he said. He was still somewhat hesitant to become involved with someone, given his increase in nightmares and anxiety. There was something else too that his friends and Fuller didn't know about. He wasn't sure what they were or how to describe them, but sometimes, he found himself back there on that beach again. He could smell and taste the salt water. He could feel the insufferable mugginess in the air. He could hear the gunshots and bombs, and he could see the bodies. He logically knew, at least when it wasn't happening, that none of it was real. When he felt himself sinking into one of those situations, it was a different story. Everything felt real. He knew that things were starting to get bad again, like they were when he was first brought to the US, but it was hard for him to get help when everyone had that mentality of being tough and handling problems internally. It wasn't until his friends had found out the circumstances behind him stealing that infant's identity that they had softened their responses to the investigation. Harry was still trying to trust Doug again after he had completely written him off as a criminal, three months ago. The whole month of December had been a mess for him and Tom with the investigation and Tom beating himself up over the incident with Amy. Doug had gone so far as to throw Harry's stuff out of their apartment claiming their friendship was a lie. Harry wanted things to be normal again, and he knew getting help was a good start, and maybe Doug introducing him to Shane was his way of apologizing.

"I'm starting to like you, too, I mean I did ask you out and all," Shane reminded him. Harry had forgotten that in all the chaos. He beamed at the thought of their new friendship.

"True. I should be the one buying the beer, though," he asserted, playfully.

Shane recognized Harry's obvious flirtation. "Ah, so you're chivalrous then?" She implied, smiling at him with her mouth closed. It was a shy, seductive smile that allowed Harry to see the fullness of her lips.

"I like things traditional, but I respect your independence, too," he answered. He noticed the amber in Shane's eyes start to flicker like the evening light bouncing off a jet stream.

Shane pushed her hair behind her ear methodically, so Harry would notice. "How about dinner and a trip to the Koi Pond instead? I can be a classy woman for a traditional dude. We can get drunk on wine and cheese," she said. There was that small half smile again. Harry shuddered. He suddenly could feel himself getting slightly aroused. Her body language made him feel like their auras were bass vibrations coming out of a loud speaker. It was unusual for him to be this taken with someone this early, but he knew she was highly intelligent. Doug would not set him up with someone who wasn't. Doug would also not set him up with someone who couldn't handle stressful situations. Doug had always been a great wingman, so Harry was already letting his guard down.

"We can take a cab," Harry said.

"Oh. I forgot about my address," Shane said. She looked at her purse in the empty wheelchair and back at Harry. "Would you mind handing me my bag?" She asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure," he replied, as he walked over and grabbed her bag. He turned on his heels and handed it to her. He watched as Shane took out a sticky note and pen. She scribbled on the front of the note and handed it to Harry. He had passed the test. He got her name, number and address. He looked at the note before putting it in his pocket. He smiled when he saw what she wrote.

Shane Mackey

25675 SE 6th Street

(360) 576-4872

Thanks for taking care of me! Call me when you need a friend.

"Can I see one of those?" Harry asked. He was making a reference to using a sticky note.

Shane nodded and handed Harry a blank note. He jotted something on the note and handed it back to her. He loved her smile.

Harry Ioki

You know where I live

(360) 288-9890

I owe Doug a thank you.

"So do I. Penhall is pretty sneaky. I think everyone has been wanting for us to meet for awhile," Shane said, after reading the note.

"I haven't been very fair to everyone lately, especially Penhall," Harry admitted, "I'm just going through a rough patch." He looked away from her and sniffled.

Shane nodded. "I think I know what you mean. Losing family is hard. I'm here if you want to talk to someone other than friends from work," she said empathetically.

Shane understood exactly how Harry was acting and feeling. She often had to put on a happy face for her friends just like Harry. Claire was her most trusted friend, and there were times that they argued because Claire was growing tired of her not dealing with her grief. Shane had difficulty trusting people because she had been judged her entire life because of things she couldn't control.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," he said.

"Any time. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow," she said.

"Me too. It'll be the first time I've been out outside of work in a really long time," Harry said, eagerly.

The door opened and Michelle walked in first carrying Shane's discharge papers. Claire walked in next and looked at Shane with a frustrated look.

"Again, Shane, really? This is the third time you fallen this month," Claire said.

"I know. I'm sorry," Shane replied. She felt really guilty now.

Claire sighed, and her face became sullen. The wrinkles on her face had become sunken in from years of stress. "You told me that you are bringing your chair. You obviously lied to dad too," she exasperated. She put her hands on her hips.

"I'm sorry. It's just not that easy for me to just switch to using a wheelchair. You don't know what that feels like," Shane said

"I know it's hard, but it's becoming necessary," Claire replied. "Are you ready to go? You need to rest." Claire hadn't noticed Harry at all.

Shane nodded. Sometimes it felt like her best friend was her mother. Shane knew that Claire was just concerned, but it was hard enough for her already. Claire walked over to Shane and picked her up off the gurney. She put her in the hospital wheelchair and pushed her out the triage door before Shane could even react.

"Wait! What are you doing? We gotta go back," Shane exclaimed.

Claire looked at Shane, startled. She was still pushing Shane down the hall. "What? Why? Did you for--" Shane butt in before Claire could finish her sentence.

"Would you stop for a second?" Shane asked, annoyed.

"Okay Okay. I'll stop," Claire stopped pushing Shane and knelt down in front of her, "What are we stopping for?"

Shane pulled out the sticky note Harry had given her. "Look," she said, handing the note to Claire.

Claire glanced at the note and looked at Shane, unsure if the dots she was connecting in her brain were right. She got her confirmation when Shane grinned like a girl around her first crush.

"Wait, so you're telling me that that man in there is the Harry Ioki, as in the fourth cop involved with Jump Street? He's Doug's absent roommate?" Claire asked, still slightly confused, "The guy Doug has been trying to set you up with for the last few months?"

"Yes. We have plans tomorrow," Shane whispered, "Go to the car before he hears you scream with glee."

\---

It wasn't until Claire and Shane were on the freeway that Claire spoke again. Shane was slumped against the passenger window of Claire's car. Claire had ended up talking with Harry when he had to go get Shane's crutches.

"He seems like a nice guy," she concluded.

"You think everybody I've dated is a nice guy," Shane said. She yawned. She could feel her eyes getting heavy.

There was her wall again. Her internal monologue was trying to tell her to back out of tomorrow because of fear. She wanted to trust Harry, but she also wanted to avoid a situation like her last relationship It started off great, for the first year, but then her ex changed. He would call her names and then things would escalate. He would apologize afterward, and they would become savagely intimate. It was a vicious cycle of abuse and forgiveness, for six years. Then she met Penhall when she started going to a support group for the death of her dad. It was an escape from her situation at home. Little by little and after a year of talking, she started to trust Doug enough to tell him what was going on. That was four years ago.

_"We can help you leave," Doug said, They both were sitting in Doug's desk at the chapel. School had ended, and Doug, Tom and Judy were all finishing up paperwork. Harry had been out on a full cover case that week. "You can trust us. Right guys?" _ _He gestured toward Tom and Judy. They both walked over and sat down._

_Shane's eyes narrowed, and she started tapping her feet on the floor. "You told other people?" Shane mumbled, glancing at Doug._

_"We want to help," Tom said._

_"Why should I trust either of you?" Shane asked. She was shaking._

_"We see this sort of thing at school, and any friend of Doug is a friend of ours," Judy assured. _

_"Okay," she whispered. Judy got up to get Shane some hot coca as a sign that it was okay. Shane accepted it and took a sip._

_"How long have you been with him?" Tom asked, gently._

_"Six years. I was 20 when we met, in 1979," she replied. Shane shuddered. She felt like she was betraying him._

_"Shit," Tom breathed. "Anyone else know that he uh..."_

_"Hits me? No. I've been too afraid to tell anyone and, well," she paused and sighed._

_"You love him," Judy interjected who leaned in a little closer._

_Shane looked down at a bruise peaking through the sleeve of her Washington State sweatshirt. "I do. Very much, but I know I can't live like this. He's becoming controlling, and I want to do things with my life like getting my Masters," she said._

_"Would he let you go willingly? Tom asked._

_Shane shrugged. "He can be nice and very loving, so I'm not sure," she said._

_"You gotta place you can go? Doug asked._

_"My friend Claire," Shane replied._

_Claire Daniels and Shane Mackey met when they were nine. Both of their dad's were boot camp buddies during the Korean War, and they signed up again in 1968 for a couple tours in Vietnam. Claire and Shane bonded over David Bowie and the Beatles. In high school, Claire protected Shane from the assholes. She watched and knew what to do if Shane had a seizure. Claire had been there when her Dad died. Shane moved in with Claire and her Dad when she was sixteen after Shane butted heads with her mom way too often. She stayed with Claire until she met James at an undergrad mixer. _

_ "Is he working? Doug said._

_Shane nodded. "He thinks I'm in class," she said._

_"Okay, Hanson and I will go with you to pack a bag. You can tell him that you're leaving, and will be there in case he gives you any trouble. We can threaten him because you've obviously got bruises to prove it. Judy will help you work on a restraining order request once we leave before we take you to Claire's. Sound like a plan?" He looked at Judy and Tom. They both nodded. Four hours later, Shane was safely in Claire's apartment after Jason let her go without a fight. Jump Street had saved her life._

"Are you having second thoughts?" Claire asked, as she got on the exit ramp.

Shane sighed. "I don't know. I know Harry isn't you know who, but still," she said.

"I talked to him, you know, Claire said, "while you were in the car waiting for me."

"I saw you. What did you say?" Shane asked. She was looking at Claire now, sitting straight up in the seat.

"I just said to not push things too quickly and that you needed someone you could trust," Claire said.

"What did he say?" Shane asked.

"Me too," Claire replied as she pulled into their drive way.

Shane looked down at her hand that Harry held. She could still see his fingers tightly wrapped with hers.;

\---

It was eleven by the time Harry made it back to his apartment. His head was still reeling from the events that just happened. He couldn't stop thinking about her, and wished he could just skip work. He unlocked the door and walked in to find Doug sitting on the couch watching the first Seattle Mariners game of the season. Harry took off his jacket and walked into the kitchen where he grabbed a bottle of water. He sat down across from Doug in the lounger and chugged half the bottle.

"I'm surprised you're still up with work tomorrow," Harry said.

"This game has gone on for eleven freaking innings man, and I'm not about to quit watching it right now to go to bed. Oh, and I was waiting for you. Where have you been?" Doug asked, not looking away from the screen. Harry saw that the opposing team just did a walkout when they hit a homer. Harry shook his head. The Mariners lost 5 to 6.

"C'mon, really? That was the slowest game, and they go and lose," Doug exclaimed.

"And that's why I hate baseball," Harry said.

Doug scoffed. "Yeah, no kidding," he agreed. He got up and walked into the kitchen to grab a Gatorade. "So, where have you been?" Doug asked again as he flopped back down on the couch. He took a large gulp.

"I was, well, I was at Southwest's ER," Harry said. He smiled to himself as he waited for Penhall's response.

Doug almost spit out his drink. "What? Are you okay?" Doug asked.

"It wasn't me. I'm fine. I offered to take Shane to the ER," Harry said.

"WHAT," Doug exclaimed, coughing,

"That was well played, man," Harry said, laughing.

"What? You think I planned that?" Doug asked, grinning.

"Oh, I know you planned something. Maybe not the exact events, but you have wanted us to meet for a while. You all have, and I can see why," Harry said.

"You're patient. That's why we thought you guys would make a good match. She has a lot of stuff in common with you. You'll see," Doug said.

"It might just be lust, but I definitely felt something. I really felt like I needed to make sure she was okay. It was weird, but I could tell she has been through a lot, like I have," Harry said as the nights events flashed in his mind.

"She has," Doug said quietly.

"She's definitely not weak though. That eye roll she's got says it all," Harry said. A grin spread across his face.

"Yeah, man. She can be snarky. She wasn't always that way though," Doug said. He thought about when he met Shane, and how quiet she was. He remembered how she used to sit alone at the group on Wednesdays. He remembered how the rest of the group didn't include her. She started to open up once he took the initiative to sit next to her.

"Claire told me to take it slow. She needed someone she can trust," Harry said.

"She's right. She needs someone stable. She needs someone who won't hurt her," Doug replied, seriously.

"Well, lately, I feel like I need that too," Harry admitted.

"Yeah, I know. You have definitely changed since the investigation. We all just want you to know how sorry we are about how we acted," Doug apologized.

"I don't blame any of you. None of what I'm going through has anything to do with you guys. I had all this stuff before the investigation. I was just really good at hiding it, "Harry said, finishing off his bottle of water.

" So, you're not mad that we asked you to try and get some help?" Doug asked, hesitantly.

Harry shrugged.." For a brief second I may have been, but I get that you guys care about me. If I don't try and get some help, I know Fuller will be on my ass about it anyway. I don't like this feeling of being out of control either. I just want to get back to how things used to be," Harry said.

Doug nodded. He knew that they had not had the best relationship when Jump Street started, but over the past five years a level of trust had started to build between them. The lack of trust Harry originally had for him and the others made perfect sense to him now given the situation that Harry was in.

"I'm going to bed," Harry said, before getting off the couch.

"Wait," Doug exclaimed. Harry turned around.

"What?" Harry asked.

"You're coming out after work tomorrow, right? We're meeting at Mackey's. Shane will probably be there. You could see her again," Doug said.

"Wait, we made plans?" Harry asked, confused.

Doug looked at Harry with concern, "Uh, yeah, Ioke. We made plans last week for your birthday, remember? Judy asked what your favorite cake was? You said you didn't know maybe chocolate?"

Harry slapped his forehead. "Shit," he breathed, "I totally forgot."

Doug raised an eyebrow. "You forgot your birthday?"

Harry groaned. "Yes, Doug, I totally forgot I was turning twenty-eight. No. I forgot we made plans," he replied.

"You made other plans?" Doug asked.

Harry sighed and sat down again, "I made plans," he emphasized, "with her."

"WHAT," Doug yelled. "What happened?"

"She tripped and fell before the meeting. She hit her head on the tile. I volunteered to take her, so the meeting wouldn't be canceled. She didn't want to let anyone down," Harry replied.

"She cares a lot for people, but she sort of neglects what she needs," Doug said

Harry nodded. "She didn't bring her wheelchair with her," he said.

" I've been telling her for a long time, now, that she needs one, but she doesn't listen to me," Doug said.

"I think it's really hard for her. That cannot be an easy thing to accept for someone so young," Harry said, thoughtfully.

"How do you feel about it?" Doug asked.

"I don't really know her, Penhall, so I can't really say how I feel," Harry replied. He paused for a second. "But, when she collapsed into me because she could barely stand up or when I lifted her to get the MRI, I just wished I could make it easier for her," he reasoned.

"Wow. I thought you just dropped her off," Doug marveled. His eyes widened.

"I couldn't just leave her. Not after feeling what I felt... what we felt," Harry said.

"Do you think she felt it too? I mean, what you're describing? Doug asked, curiously.

"I think so. She asked me out." Harry answered.

Doug slapped his hands together and got up from the couch. "Well it looks like my work here is completely done," he said, flashing a cocky grin.

"How long have you been waiting to say that when it comes to me meeting Shane?" Harry asked, laughing.

"Tom, Judy and I realized that you guys might be a good fit when Shane told us that she had gone backpacking in Vietnam when she was about nineteen. She became a Buddhist as a result. That was in January," Doug said

"Really? Never would've guessed that," Harry said.

Doug nodded. "Okay. I'm out for the night. Try to get some sleep," he said.

Harry sighed. "I'll try. If you get woken up by me, just try and keep me calm," Harry replied.

"I know the routine, man," Doug said before entering his room.

Harry entered his own bedroom and sat down on his bed. Doug's words echoed in his mind. There should be no routine and he shouldn't be feeling this shitty all the time. He shook his head and took off his jeans, throwing them in the corner with force. He took off his shirt and threw it against the wall, causing a thud. He laid down and found it impossible to fall asleep. He laid there staring at the ceiling when Shane's voice popped in his head: call me if you need a friend. He blinked. Should he do it? Would it be too soon? Does that make him look desperate? No. He was sick of this shit ruining his life, and he needed help. Shane knew people. She was a therapist and she offered. Harry got up and walked over to his jeans. He looked at his back pocket and fished for the sticky note Shane had given him earlier. He found it and sat back down on the bed. He looked over at the clock: 12:30. He had been laying there for an hour. He let out a frustrated grown and picked up the phone before his conscience talked him out of it. He dialed her number and heard it ring twice before he heard her tiny voice.

"Hello," she whispered.

He didn't know what to say and he could feel himself choking. He took a few small breaths.

"Harry?" She asked.

He pulled himself out of his head. "Hi. I'm sorry it's late, and we don't know each other well, but I remembered you said to call if I needed a friend and well," he rambled.

"You need a friend?" She completed his sentence.

"Yeah, actually," he said.

"I can meet you at the Denny's on Birch Street if you give me twenty minutes," Shane said.

"You don't mind?" Harry asked.

"No. I meant what I said. I'm here if you want to talk. I wasn't asleep anyway. We can just have a breakfast date," she replied.

"Okay. Can I at least pick you up?" Harry asked.

"Okay. Sure. I need to use my wheelchair anyway," she said.

"That sounds like a great idea," Harry laughed. He could picture her eye roll now.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it. See you in twenty," she said as she hung up the phone.

Harry put the phone down and got redressed. He walked over to Doug's door and tapped on it.

"What?" Doug groaned.

"If I'm not back by four, page me okay?" Harry asked.

"Whatever, Ioke. Just let me sleep," Doug replied.

Harry grabbed his pager and keys before heading out the door.


End file.
